you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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