My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
