drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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