I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We left the knife in your bed.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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