are you still at the devil's house?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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