I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize