glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
