So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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