A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
