well you can't waste a boner
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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