Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize