"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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