i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
