I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Never joke about your clitoris.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
