I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
