i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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