She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
