Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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