Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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