That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
