Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
