Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
