Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
