I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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