What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
