hotel room ftw
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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