Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
