the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
