im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Blood and glitter go together right?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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