Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
