Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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