Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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