Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
