Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
