3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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