I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
