So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
