I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
