i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
