When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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