this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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