she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
