Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sorry about my life...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
