are you still at the devil's house?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
