I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
