I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
