Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
