he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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