He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
