You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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