walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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