apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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