just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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