How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
