just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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