A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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