thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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