No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize