I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
