I want to have your abortion
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
