i would punch a child for taco bell
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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