why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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