You're so nebulous sometimes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
