Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
