I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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