No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
