That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
