Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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