I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
