u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
