i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
