I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
