I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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