It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize