They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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