He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
