uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
