She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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