Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
