My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
