This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
