Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
