Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
