I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
