she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
