My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
