He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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