But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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