So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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