so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
