I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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