First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
