My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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