**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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