8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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