She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
