I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
