if i can run in heels then i can drive
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
